Best Child Co-parenting Tips

Best Child Co-parenting Tips help separated families and their chuldrn thrive after a family breakdown. Remember parents are forever. In today’s blog ML associate Kevin Zeng provides key tips for you and your children to help everyone win after separation.

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It is important for parents to disassociate separation and divorce from their children. Typically, children are stuck in the middle of an emotionally charged break-up, and parents should do whatever they can to minimize the impact of separation on their children. An optimal method for parents to shield their children from the negative aspects of separation is to posit a mindset that their relationship breakdown has nothing to do with their child and they are at no fault. Once parents are able to remove their, they are in a better position to participate in what is called “co-operative parenting”. Co-operative parenting is even more important when the child is in their early stages of life.

父母应当将分居和离婚与孩子区分开来，这一点非常重要。通常情况下，孩子会被夹在情绪化的分手过程中，而父母应尽一切可能减少分居对孩子的影响。父母保护孩子免受分居负面影响的最佳方式，是树立一种心态：感情的破裂与孩子无关，孩子没有任何过错。当父母能够放下自己的纠葛时，他们就更有条件去参与所谓的“合作式养育”。在孩子人生的早期阶段，合作式养育显得尤为重要。

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Co-operative parenting is a collaborative approach for separated or divorced parents to work as a team to provide the best possible care for their children. While working collaboratively might seem counter-intuitive in a high-conflict divorce, perceiving the child as an innocent party could help parents set aside their differences when it comes to putting their children’s needs first, rather than their own interests.

合作式养育是一种协作方式，旨在让已经分居或离婚的父母像一个团队一样，共同为孩子提供尽可能最好的照顾。虽然在高度冲突的离婚中，合作可能看似不合常理，但若能把孩子视为无辜的一方，父母就更容易在孩子的需求面前放下分歧，而不是优先考虑自身的利益。

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Although not explicitly defined, the courts have viewed a co-operative approach to parenting as follows at paragraph 89 in Wanless v. Wanless 2001 BCSC 210:

尽管没有明确的定义，法院在 Wanless v. Wanless 2001 BCSC 210 一案第 89 段中，将合作式的养育方式视为如下：

“[89] Joint/shared custody, in this case, is taken to mean a co-operative and consultative approach to child rearing, with significant and equal involvement on the part of both parents in the care, nurturing, guidance and financial support of both children.”

“[89] 在本案中，联合/共同监护被理解为一种合作和协商的养育方式，父母双方在子女的照料、抚育、引导和经济支持方面都具有重要且平等的参与。”

A parent who engages in co-operative parenting should do all of the following:

实行合作式养育的父母应当做到以下几点：

Share parenting time with the other parent, so that the child has a stable relationship with both parents.
Share decision-making responsibilities, such as deciding extracurricular activities, which school to attend, religion choices, with the view that the other parent only wants the best for the child.
Disclosing to the other parent healthcare records, school grades, and other important information concerning the child.
Speaks positively about the other parent in the presence of the child and encouraging relationship

与另一方父母分享抚养时间，以确保孩子与双方都能保持稳定的关系。

共同承担决策责任，例如决定课外活动、就读学校、宗教选择等，并秉持对方同样是为了孩子最佳利益的态度。

向另一方父母披露有关孩子的重要信息，例如医疗记录、学习成绩及其他重要事

在孩子面前积极评价另一方父母，并鼓励孩子与其建立良好关系。

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Cooperation among parents is not only beneficial for the child’s overall stability and well-being, but it is also key to avoiding costly litigation on issues which could have been agreed upon without judicial intervention. In R.A.G. v. T.A.I.D. 2023 BCSC 179, the court commended the parties for their cooperation in resolving some parenting issues which led to a consent agreement.

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The Court in R.A.G. stated at paragraphs 29 and 30 that:

父母之间的合作不仅有利于孩子的整体稳定与福祉，而且也是避免在本可无需司法介入而达成一致的问题上陷入高额诉讼的关键。在 R.A.G. v. T.A.I.D. 2023 BCSC 179 一案中，法院称赞了双方在解决部分养育问题上所展现的合作精神，这种合作最终促成了一份同意协议。法院在 R.A.G. 一案第 29 和 30 段中指出：

“[29] During the course of the trial, the parties came to an agreement regarding holiday parenting time and J.A.G.’s ability to contact the off-duty parent during the on-duty parent’s parenting time. As such, before I address the parties’ positions in respect of the issue of shared parenting during the school year, I will set out the terms of the agreement they reached during the trial.

“[29] 在审理过程中，双方就节假日的抚养时间安排，以及 J.A.G. 在一方父母照料期间联系另一方父母的权利达成了一致。因此，在我讨论双方关于学年期间共同抚养问题的立场之前，我将先列出他们在审理期间达成的协议条款。”

[30] Before doing so, I wish to commend the parties for their cooperation in resolving some of the parenting issues on their own accord. In my view, it demonstrates a positive step in cooperation between the parties that hopefully will be carried forward to future parenting decisions respecting J.A.G.”

“[30] 在此之前，我想称赞双方能够自行合作解决部分抚养问题。在我看来，这体现了双方在合作方面迈出的积极一步，并希望这种合作能够延续到未来关于 J.A.G. 的抚养决定之中。”

On the other hand, it can be disastrous for a parent to neglect parenting in a co-operative manner. Courts will not shy away from reducing or cancelling parenting time altogether to the parent who acts unreasonably. Additionally, the court could also strip away valuable guardianship rights from that parent, which was what the court agreed that the father should do in R.C.T. v. A.T.K. 2023 BCSC 654:

另一方面，如果父母忽视以合作方式进行养育，后果可能非常严重。法院不会回避对行为不合理的一方父母减少或完全取消其抚养时间。此外，法院还可能剥夺该父母重要的监护权，这正是法院在 R.C.T. v. A.T.K. 2023 BCSC 654 一案中认定父亲应受到的处理。

“[183] As I have previously discussed, Mr. T. has demonstrated an inability to control his emotions when communicating with Mrs. T. and an inability to shield the Children from his anger. This decreases the appropriateness of an arrangement that would require the parties to cooperate on all issues affecting the Children. Mr. T. recognizes this, at least in part, by his concession that Mrs. T. ought to be awarded primary responsibility over all medical and health-related decisions and by his agreement that a parenting coordinator should be involved to assist with communication and resolution of disagreements. I am satisfied that an arrangement that reduces the need for cooperation and communication will serve to reduce the risk to the safety, security and well-being of the Children and Mrs. T.

“[183] 正如我之前所讨论的，T 先生在与 T 女士沟通时表现出情绪失控的情况，且无法将孩子们与他的愤怒隔离开来。这降低了要求双方在所有涉及孩子的问题上进行合作的安排的适宜性。T 先生至少部分地认识到了这一点，他承认 T 女士应当被授予对所有医疗和健康相关决策的主要责任，并同意引入一名育儿协调员以协助沟通和解决分歧。我认为，减少双方合作和沟通需求的安排，将有助于降低对孩子们及 T 女士的安全、保障和福祉造成的风险。”

[184] I am satisfied, on the whole of the evidence, that Mr. T. does not have an ability to effectively and equally co-parent with Mrs. T. His ability is comprised in many ways, including his ongoing disdain for her. As I have already discussed, while he gave vague evidence about some recent counselling and expressed embarrassment over the way he has behaved, he has not recognized or understood the effect of his actions on her and the Children. His conduct constitutes family violence. His unwillingness and inability to recognize this, and the harm it causes to her and the Children, is concerning.”

“[184] 综合所有证据，我确信 T 先生无法与 T 女士有效且平等地进行共同养育。他的能力在多方面受到限制，包括他对她持续的轻蔑。如我之前所述，尽管他对近期接受的一些辅导提供了模糊的证据，并对自己的行为感到尴尬，但他并未认识或理解其行为对她和孩子们的影响。他的行为构成家庭暴力。他不愿意且无法认识到这一点及其对她和孩子们造成的伤害，这令人十分担忧。”

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When a court makes any decisions with respect to a child, such as education and location of residence, the “best interests of the child” under section 37 of the Family Law Act is almost always the paramount consideration. Therefore, when a parent is seen to be more co-operative with parenting than the other, the courts could view this as a significant factor in awarding elevated parenting time or decision-making responsibilities to the more “co-operative” parent. When both parents display teamwork when caring for their children, it could reduce legal fees drastically but more importantly, it is the child who ultimately benefits from these selfless acts.

当法院就孩子的事务作出任何决定时，例如教育安排或居住地选择，《家庭法》第37条规定的“以孩子的最佳利益为先”几乎总是首要考虑因素。因此，当一方父母在养育过程中表现出比另一方更合作时，法院可能会将此视为授予其更多抚养时间或决策权的重要因素。当双方父母在照顾孩子时表现出团队合作精神，不仅可以大幅减少法律费用，更重要的是，最终受益的是孩子本人，这些无私的行为对孩子意义重大。

MacLean Law is experienced with de-escalating high-conflict matters to ensure that you do not get embroiled in costly and protracted litigation. MacLean Law understands that our clients, who are also parents, want nothing but the best for their children. Our lawyers will advocate resolutely in your child’s best interests.