Divorce in the South Asian Community
The South Asian community is a broad and diverse community that varies not only by ethnicity, geographies, history, culture, religion and immigration generations; rather, is further stratified through a Western/Eastern interactive experience.
When it comes to divorce, the experiences of South Asian women and families are vastly diverse. However, it is important to bring to light specific aspects of gender implications that many women face to better understand the legal positions South Asian women in family cases. In order to acknowledge and better understand the implications that South Asian women must face when it comes to divorce, it is vital that we recognize that relationship violence, alienation, and stigma exists in all communities in different facets; and issues of race, class, immigration, language, finances, resources and gender always play a key role.
South Asians are the largest visible minority community in Canada with a close to 8% population of BC. According to Dr. Amrtipal Arora, in his 2009 Faculty of Medicine study at UBC, domestic violence is one of the leading causes of suicide attempts by South Asian women. South Asian women who have experienced domestic violence are also more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety.
Women are very often afraid and debilitated from leaving their husbands, particularly when they have children. South Asian parents are often fearful that it will be difficult for their children to marry or find a partner from a “good” family once families of potential partners for their children will become aware that they come from a “broken” family; as it does negatively affect their family’s reputation in the community as well.
A perceived lack of understanding by the broader community is what deters participants from seeking help. According to the study, cultural expectations, family honour, isolation and the stigma of divorce are some of the major barriers South Asian women face. When women face difficulties in their marriage, tradition dictates that these problems are to be kept within the family and are not to be publicized, as it is shameful to come out of a failed marriage.
Dr. Arora further stipulates that separation or divorce may give a woman’s parents the reputation of raising unstable or unruly girls and affect the marriage prospects of younger siblings. Further, he recognizes that women themselves are often concerned about their own daughters’ eligibility for marriage should they decide to leave. New immigrant women are also often financially, socially and psychologically dependent on their husbands, and many are discouraged from working and if they do work their finances are controlled solely by their husbands. Consequently, when these women are faced with abuse, fear of not being able to survive independently serves as a significant barrier.
South Asian Perspectives on Divorce:
- Divorce is a last resort, taboo, loss of honour and failure
- Somewhat accepted in ‘extreme situations’ in a prolonged period of physical abuse, where often extended family members have attempted to help “reconcile” to no avail.
- Men can remarry easily; women especially with children are not.
- Women are impacted by variability in access to resources, support, education, immigration; decisions vary greatly in relation to these barriers
Family Expectations:
- Often South Asian relationships fit within a social context of immediate family, extended family, and the larger community.
- Predetermined family roles and expectations often reinforce women’s roles as daughter, daughter-in-law, wife, and mother.
- As a result, the decision-making process is extremely influenced by considerations for all levels of the social structure (immediate family, extended family and community).
- Western or individualistic communities value independence, autonomy, and hedonism; versus Eastern or collectivist communities value sacrifice, role-based obligations, family as community and fulfillment of group needs.
Ostracism and Alienation:
- Extended family can play a large role in either aiding divorce and seeking help; or, in dismissing support or divorce options and further endangering the situation.
- Often extended family role can be largely influenced by interests of reputation and social ramifications – even with the best of intentions to protect the family and children.
- Due to multiple family households, often the extended family can have an immediate stake in the outcome.
- Extended families’ opinions can often silence the couple’s voices as, what is ‘best for the whole family’ is often determined to be best for the individuals.
- Women deal with alienation ranging from snickering at temples and community events; not being invited to gatherings; being asked to leave families’ homes if “others are coming” for fear of ruining reputations by association.
- Children from a broken home are seen as bad influences on other children.
Power Dynamics:
- Due to the cultural dynamics, the man has more power throughout the divorce process.
- The woman may fear retaliation, shaming of her or her family in community.
- Due to ostracism, the woman may opt to move through the dispute as quickly as possible and give up large concessions in the haste, contrary to their legal interests and rights.
- Financial power being in the hands of the husband often acts as barrier.
- Immigration plays a strong role in a woman determining her best options, particularly if the husband sponsored her and if there are children involved.
Many times South Asian couples choose what is known as “an invisible divorce” over a legal divorce believing that it is best for the children if they remain under the same roof regardless of the oppression and unhappiness that they must deal with. These are marriages where the couples are often very abusive and as well as violent.
Although many South Asian parents believe it is best for their children to reside with both parents rather than separating and having their children belong to two households; this is the misconception. Studies have shown that children who come from families where parents were fighting and arguing regularly, often grow up with extreme self-esteem and confidence issues. After children have been subjected to witnessing years of unhealthy parenting or violent relationships, the adverse effects such experiences often affect them as adults; they can often grow to have mental health issues, including problems with anger management, as well as significant trust issues in their adult relationships.
It is imperative that parents acknowledge that bringing up their children in an unhappy and unhealthy marriage will only serve as the antithesis of their children’s happiness. When placed in positive and nurturing environments, children can not only survive in two households after their parents separate, they can thrive.
For the reasons outlined above, many South Asians are often hesitant in utilizing the legal process to attain justice in family disputes; for this reason, it is important for legal practitioners to be aware and conscientious of the cultural issues and biases surrounding the South Asian community.
Talk to one of our South East Asian lawyers today in Surrey or Vancouver. Susan Justice has meditation training which provides for a composed and disciplined demeanour to achieve the very best results for families and their legal issues. Serf Grewal of our Surrey office has a broad legal background and a winning combination for families with complex business matters to manage when dealing with family law issues. MacLean Law understands the various cultural complexities that can further complicate family issues for her South Asian clients. Call our Surrey office today at 604 576 5400 or our Vancouver office toll free at 1 877 602 9900 or request a consultation.
