Will Your Marriage End In Divorce? Frankly, the odds are high that your marriage or relationship will not succeed. When you enter a marriage or a long term marriage-like relationship you are entering a relationship lottery. You have ONLY a 50 percent chance of success BUT if you succeed the rewards are priceless. Here is a great quote to help you challenge your beliefs that get in the way of finding a perfect partner:
“Keep an open mind. The right person coming to you at the right time will change everything you ever thought was true.” – Kate McGahan
Lorne MacLean, QC has an enviable winning record of successes in high stakes, high conflict and highly complex cases including several precedent-setting wins in the highest courts in Canada. In this article, he shares some insights on how to increase the chances of staying together for the long haul.
Will Your Marriage End In Divorce? 1 877 602 9900
MacLean has seen hundreds of marriages end and he has helped numerous wealthy spouses move forward successfully. Will Your Marriage End In Divorce?: is a key question you need to ask before entering into one or staying in one doomed to fail. In today’s article Lorne MacLean, QC provides some tips to help you avoid the need to see a divorce lawyer and to help him reduce the lengthy waitlist he currently has! In many other articles, we discuss how prenups help spouses set ground rules and get on the same page in their relationship.
Remember marrying late is better than marrying wrong!
Lorne MacLean’s Top Tip If You Want To Win The Marriage Lottery 1 877 602 9900
I tell my divorcing high net worth clients who want to settle their breakup amicably “Each of us is 100% responsible for our half of the problem”. It turns out couples who get this when they enter into a long term relationship are the ones who succeed. Experts say that almost all negative interactions with your partner are a self-perpetuating cycle that thankfully you can exit from. When one of you gets triggered, the other reacts, there is a reaction to the reaction, so on and so forth. Slow things down and self-reflect by figuring out what you might be feeling underneath, for instance, you are hurt when you yell in anger. You need to get comfortable expressing that deeper part of yourself. Avoid texting or email communication with your partner when relationship disagreements arise. Frankly, the use of electronic communication and social media is a relationship killer. People get into text wars when a face to face discussion would have quickly resolved the miscommunication. For fun look at your latest text, you sent your spouse in anger and ask if you would be comfortable showing it to a Family Judge! Will Your Marriage End In Divorce? depends in part on the selection of a potential mate and how you deal with each other during the early and later stages of the relationship.
MacLean warns panicking and rushing into marriage is usually a bad idea. Remember marrying late is better than marrying wrong! Studies show many of your friends or family members married early in life will not make it past their 4th anniversary and many of those that do will then see their marriage fail around their 8th anniversary.
John and Julie Gottman top relationship experts who have studied hundreds of couples say,
“The thing that all really good marriages have in common is that they communicate to their partner a model that when you’re upset the world stops…I listen and we repair things.”
What Increases The Chances of Your Marriage Failing?
As a top high net worth divorce lawyer, Lorne MacLean, QC sees common themes that lead to divorce and common law marriage breakdown. MacLean gets asked: Will Your Marriage End In Divorce? a lot. MacLean provides some tips on how to increase your chances of winning the relationship lottery and what not to do if you want to find a proper long term partner to help you build a family empire that stands the test of time.
So what increases the chance of relationship failure?
- Focusing on looks or money alone as the prime directive in entering a relationship based on pressure from unrelenting and unrealistic fashion ads and lifestyle magazines;
- shows like Bachelor and Bachelorette that instill the thought that singles in their early to late ’20s are ready for a lifetime commitment after knowing a person a few weeks;
- social media addiction causing the need for instant gratification and the constant hunger for the next new shiny bauble including multiple new short term partners;
- increased depression amongst all ages of potential spouses and social media addiction and people trying to connect by text message or DM or worse still couples who think it makes sense to break up by text or DM;
- dating apps like Tinder, Bumble and Grindr that never let people get close enough to see and feel the true character of their potential, ostensibly perfect mate;
- getting married too young when you have no idea yet what your real goals are for themself let alone on how the find a quality and compatible life partner;
- most critically, thinking their partner rather than they alone are responsible for their happiness in life and a relationship;
- not having a prenup that sets out ground rules for the relationship, children and what happens in the event the relationship ends.
Experts List 4 Key Predictors For Relationship Failure
The extensive research of Drs. John and Julie Gottman have provided us with four behavioural and communication strategies that are the primary predictors of divorce. Critically, these behaviors also equally predict increased stress for children who go back and forth between divorced parents. They have termed these four main predictors, the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” and they are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.
Complete withdrawal from communication (and essentially the relationship) as a strategy to avoid conflict is called stonewalling. It may look be physically leaving or completely shutting down. This might be an, albeit unsuccessful, attempt to calm oneself when overwhelmed. Stonewalling conveys disconnection, disapproval, distancing, and arrogance. Stonewalling might be giving the “silent treatment,” monosyllabic mutterings, changing the subject, storming out.
Will Your Marriage End In Divorce? Try This Test To Predict The Answer 1 877 602 9900
Will Your Marriage End In Divorce? Try using the Gottman relationship scale to see if you are in the right relationship or how to fix it if it is challenged:
Instructions: Rank each item below —
as Strongly Agree (5 points), Agree (4 points), Neutral (3 points), Disagree (2 points), Strongly Disagree (1 point) — telling us the extent to which at this time you agree or disagree with each statement. In the end, tally up each category and use our key to interpret your results.
✦ I feel emotionally close to my partner.
✦ I think that my partner cares about me.
✦ I feel confident that we can deal with whatever problems might arise.
✦ I would consider myself happy in this relationship.
✦ My partner listens to me.
✦ I feel that my partner finds me physically attractive.
✦ I can talk to my partner about anything.
✦ I feel that my partner is very interested in me.
✦ I feel respected by my partner.
✦ I am committed to staying together.
✦ I have a great deal of respect and admiration for my partner.
✦ My partner tries hard to meet my needs.
✦ My partner respects my dreams in life.
✦ My partner is one of my best friends.
✦ My partner rarely puts me down.
How to read your results:
Above 55: You’re emotionally close to your partner, a sign that your relationship is going strong. “Trust is the number one thing that makes a relationship work,” Gottman adds.
45-55: Your relationship may have once been solid, but recently some cracks have begun to show. “[People] who are listening and interested in their partner’s day are more likely to build trust and commitment and be better partners,” says Gottman.
35-44: If you’ve been unable to cope with problems that have plagued your relationship recently, Gottman recommends taking a couple’s seminar to realign your relationship goals and individual needs.
Will Your Marriage End In Divorce? What Is The Golden Rule For Relationship Success?
Finally, is there a single thing you can do to increase your chances of winning the relationship lottery? is there something that will help the answer to Will Your Marriage End In Divorce? be an emphatic No? Yes, there is!
The Gottman’s conclude that if they were to boil down their work to one simple strategy for couples the golden rule to a successful marriage is:
“face each other when talking. And acknowledge your role in the dispute.”
Will Your Marriage End In Divorce? If It Does Call Us Fast
In the event, your relationship cannot continue you must contact us promptly to protect yourself and your children. Contact us across BC and in Calgary Alberta.